At some point in my life, I wondered why I am the way I am. If this is really how I want to live my life, who am I? What is the reason for the issues I have? I fought depression for most of my life until the day I started searching. I did not even know what I was searching for until recently, when I realized that I was searching for me.
What I realized through this whole finding myself thing is that my depression and other mental health issues were caused by feeling as though I could not be myself. Throughout my life, some people did not like who I was. They did not like me being me. They made fun of me, pointed out my flaws, and unfortunately, caused me to be insecure and riddled with self-doubt. The more self-doubt I had, the more I stuffed down who I really was, and by doing that, it created a depression I couldn’t shake on my own. Not only that, but I thought the problem was outside myself, but you cannot control anything outside yourself, essentially. So, I wasted my time trying to control the things outside of me to fix my depression instead of going inward. The more I began to go inward and release the things I could not control, the less of a hold depression had.
As I began to release control, the real Alicia began to emerge. I see myself; I began to love what I saw, what I felt, what I heard, and what I had to offer the world. The values I held as a young girl were made so much clearer. My likes and dislikes, my determination, my love for authenticity, and not perfection. When people see you being unapologetically yourself, they want to stop you! Most times, unintentionally. Their dislike for themselves is projected onto you because they were made to feel like they couldn’t be themselves, so why should you? Thus, the vicious cycle of depression continues. It is not easy, but the journey to a life without depression is completely realistic. It is doable, and I am a walking testimony of that. To put it plain and simple, return to self and release control.
aliciaxcurlz 